“Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity. -Gilda Radner

Delicious ambiguity. I read this quote and immediately thought, “that’s what’s going down in history for me. Millennial Lived for Delicious Ambiguity“.

I’ve lived in this wild city for nine-ish months now and it’s been a lot of things. Bright, shiny, exciting, outrageous, a little.. ok a lot weird, and many other things. Most importantly for me, it’s made me very confused and conflicted. I’m here in NYC and I’m comfortable. I’m happy. I eat better, I take better care of myself, I feel challenged and intrigued on a daily basis. I could see myself here in the long term.

Then I go home for a minute. ALL these feelings come rushing back in. In Oklahoma, I’m also comfortable, also happy. My family is there, most of my friends are there, my animals are there.. it’s home, what more needs to be said.

So here’s the problem: in NYC, I feel at home, and I desperately miss Oklahoma. In OKC, I AM home and I desperately miss New York and the person it makes me feel like I am/can be. So what do I do? Is this the curse of being a traveler? I’m doomed to always missing someone, some place, some feeling? Will it get worse the more I travel? Most importantly, is it worth it to travel if it continues to make me feel displaced wherever I go? Are a collection of moments better than settling in and building something up?

I’ll have to get back to you with the answers to these questions, if I ever find them. Right now I feel a mix of the unfortunate and the blessed for my current way of life. Thanks for listening.

Mads.