“If you’re betrayed, release disappointment at once. By that way, the bitterness has no time to take root.” -Toba Beta

It’s been so long since I last entered the blogosphere. I can delightfully say it’s because I finally started my long-awaited contract! Now before you go around excitedly telling your friends about this random blogger’s new employment status, know that I have found this new hospital to be a completely glorified dumpster fire. I won’t go into detail on their practices because who of you really care about the technical nursing details.. Just trust me when I say it’s a very chaotic… unorganized… **trying to think of the perfect descri..DUMPSTER FIRE!! Actually, picture six rabid raccoons fighting over a pizza crust on top of a pile of burning trash. Got it? That’s it. Glad we got that out of the way (and you’re welcome for the visual).

Let’s discuss disappointment. I have a TERRIBLE habit of looking toward the future through diamond studded rose-colored glasses. I always think it’s going to be better than it is and then I’m faced with crippling disappointment time and time again. This isn’t always true, there are certain things that live up to their expectations… a $68 bottle of Austrian Grüner Veltliner, the greeting from Gracie when I come home in the morning, the New York MTA Transit System.. *HA! jk on the last one* but more often than not, I sit and wonder how things I had dreamt of going so well ended up going so wrong. How do we cope when this happens? How do we change our way of thinking to ensure it doesn’t keep happening day in and day out? You tell yourself you’re not going to let it affect you. You say things like “I work to live, not live to work” and whatever other cheesy one liners you can find to make yourself feel better. But what does that solve? You’re still bitter at the end of the day and over time that bitterness accumulates. You don’t even notice how bitter and closed-off you become because the process is so gradual.

I was watching Black Mirror the other day and in one of the episodes (S4E4 Hang the DJ – AWESOME episode, check it out, Joe Cole is great) the female lead says “What if all it’s actually doing is wearing us down (…) each time you get a little bit more pliable, a little bit more broken, until eventually (…) you are so defeated and so exhausted that you just accept it, you settle. And then you have to live the rest of your life convincing yourself you didn’t”. POWERFUL stuff guys. It’s disconcerting to think this is our reality. I feel like so many Millennials settle, whether it be for a significant other or a job or being in debt. We get tired or we’re just generally lazy and don’t think that we’ll achieve or be granted what we truly want. Instead of fighting, we just lay down and take it. Why do we do that?

I’d love to know what you guys think. I can’t be the only one out there terrified that I’m unknowingly bitter and settling for things that are not enough. Send me your thoughts.

Until next time,

Mads.